|I take myself very seriously.|
Every once in the while, I give into temptation and Google myself. As a moderator of a community, I had to help manage an unfortunate situation recently which involved me wading through a lot of gossip, and hilariously enough, I came upon a bunch of things about myself. There seems to be someone or multiple people out there really wanting to know about my personal life. Given how not-secret I am about what's happening with me, I find it crazy that if an individual is that curious they wouldn't ask me. Seeing the things that were floating around, however, made me wonder even more what else people had to say.
This is almost always a mistake, but I can handle it much better now than I could years ago. Despite reading things that are potentially hurtful, I would much rather know than not. I never want to walk into a room of a group of my peers and get that feeling someone is aware of something about me that I am not. I don't want to be shielded from anything; I want to feel strong and in control, knowing I can deal with whatever comes at me with grace and poise. At the same time, I understand the viewpoint of a lot of other Lolitas who would rather not be informed if something were to be said about them. Both are valid choices.
This is what I learned:
1. Some people don't like my outfits. Yes, I know, I make questionable choices and wear some weird shit sometimes. I get discouraged a little about dressing up now and again, but I care less and less about it, or at least I try to. I dress the way I do, and I have fun. There are those who think what I'm wearing is cute and those who take the pictures I post to tear them apart on other websites. Oh well, can't please everyone.
2. There seems to be some confusion about my work history. Let me break it down. I graduated from my university in 2010 with a Bachelor's in Natural Science with minors in Chemistry and Mathematics. After that, I began a graduate program in Library Information Sciences, but sadly, due to health issues, I had to postpone.
During that time, I worked at a library and stayed there for about two years and quit because believe it or not, the job was fairly physical, and y'all know with my jacked up leg, I can't stand for very long. After my ex and I separated, (*gasp* so controversial!!!1111one) I worked as an educator at the Adler Planetarium. I quit that job in January of 2013 when I left Chicago to move to the Bay Area where I worked for Harajuku Hearts / Angelic Pretty USA. Yes, actually employed there with a paycheck.
I left AP/HH in June of this year because I moved fairly far out from the city, and the commute was awful. I was also hoping to find something full-time, which I did. I became a banker, but due to a number of circumstances surrounding my health, I am on "medical leave." If you are super interested in that mess, look through my Facebook.
I like to call my current situation "(f)unemployment." (The term is stolen from a friend.) While figuring things out/taking care of business, you best believe I am playing a crap-ton of Pokemon and watching every TV show I want to on Hulu Plus. Things could be worse.
3. My love life is apparently fascinating. Scratch that, my love life is definitely fascinating. I look back at the past year and a half of my life, and I can't believe it either. Seeing people either completely make things up about it or post things late by over a year is very funny. SPOILER ALERT: I never had an affair with my best friend in Chicago. If there's anything else you'd like to know, you can ask me here.
It's still weird to me that another person could be that interested in knowing these things. Another reason why I am as open as I am because I want to show people there's no shame in going through a rough time, having medical conditions, making mistakes, looking like crap now and again, searching for love, having a wild time, or a million other things I could list. I'll gladly own my life and share it with you, and as I do, you can watch me grow as well. I am so proud of how far I've made it and my work to continue to become more healthy. There are many days I seriously doubt myself, but I know I have to keep going, and in this struggle, I'll continue to wear a frill or two.
Are there things you fear sharing with others? Do you ever Google yourself? What do you find? How do you handle hearing gossip people spread about you? Tell me in the comments!